Gay at heart

*This post is a continuation from the last post.

It wasn’t perfect and out lives went on and we adjusted to the fact that two were missing. But, the world stopped, when in June 2005 my brother David delivered some shocking news that positively slapped the wind out of my parents.

He was gay.

My parents, when he “came out” in their hush tones were exacerbated. My uncle made cruel jokes that I’m sure hurt my brother. David was no longer a man because he liked men…and the jokes continued that whole summer. My aunt with her whole heart believed that homosexuality was a choice. She believed that with enough prayer, he would be “cured” of his gayness.

That problem, due to their difference in opinions, would be the precursor to the beginning of a tumultuous relationship.

And it is ironic because the signs were evident.

But my parents opted for denial and so that summer when he came out all was shocked but me. I knew because his behavior changed, and he started to hang out with more gay friends. A popular saying is “birds of a feather flock together” and he was flocking to a group that accepted him. 

Something his family couldn’t do because we grew up believing that black men were the head of a heterosexual household. And to be gay and black was THE ultimate “crime.” A crime that David would have to pay the price for because he wanted to be happy rather than unhappy, but his happiness would cause him to be ridiculed and isolated.

The incessant jokes and Bible bashing got to the point that David packed his bag and left. He got a one-way ticket to New York.

He was angry and he felt it better to leave than live in a house that didn’t accept his behavior. And I sat there stunned because another wish was deferred.

I couldn’t fathom how he would make it because he didn’t have a job when he left. And New York was the city of partying, I couldn’t imagine him staying on track and finishing his goals like he promised he would. 

And he didn’t. The New York life captivated and engulfed him. He was free and gay! What more could he ask for...right? It would be years until the lies ended and the truth came out…he was struggling to make ends meet.  The happiness was a façade and deep within he was hurting.
                                                                                                           To be continued…