The girl who stands before you now is a fake. I have always been insecure, nervous and shy. I was insecure about the way I dressed, the way I looked and the way I thought others perceived me. All throughout high school, my relationships weren't relationships at all. I talked to the smartest because I felt that I NEEDED to be smart. I talked to the most popular because I thought I NEEDED to be popular. I laughed with the comedians because I thought I NEEDED to be a comedian to fit in. Until reality hit! I was never going to be the smartest, the prettiest, the funniest or the best dressed. I was going to be ME!
Photo from google images
So, imagine my surprise when I hit college. I had shed the unwanted pounds, shopped at the mall and landed a second job. The guys started to notice, and I started to notice the guys. But I have always been cautious about roaming eyes (if you catch my drift), or a dude so warped in his own image that he would defy a woman with his slanted eyes…coming off smooth but deceit dripping from his lips. Easily, I knew their type, and I chose to stay away from fear of what I knew he wanted. And I was right to do that, but in the back of mind I was thinking, “Where are all the good ones?” and “Was I being too picky?"
I really like both but the 1st blog I loved. And sounded sooooo much like myself in High School. I struggled with insecurities and felt I had to fit in with any and everyone. Got to college found out otherwise, shed a few pounds and started being more social with the opposite sex lol...... but anyways great blog happy to had read it!
ReplyDeleteIt is always good to hear a guy's perspective. So, thank you for the comment. Too many people feel that men can't feel the same as women do sometimes. I am glad to see that you found the confidence that I didn't find until later.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing about life is when you get out into the world, you realize that there are alot of people just like you. Its finding those people thats the problem.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are as hard as an alchemist turning lead into gold. I often find the need to satiate the loneliness is greater than the rational thought of love... I turned philosophical again!
ReplyDeleteI think everyone fronts to some degree-even the most authentic person has fears and masks them from time to time. I think it was brave to post the things you did. I'm glad you let us in=)
ReplyDeleteGive thanks for sharing, u are a very gifted writer!!! yeah i think many go thru those same experiences and feeling, all the while thinking they are/were the only one. Keep shining your light, and do u and i am confident that your walk will draw towards you all your dreams!!
ReplyDeleteone love